


how do you plan to go about (making your amends to the dead)

by amaltheaz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Gen, lets just see how everybody is doing, nobody's dead, post 309, the world reacts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13354080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaltheaz/pseuds/amaltheaz
Summary: “My mother didn't send me to Earth to fall in love with a human, have children, live in a house with a white picket fence. She sent me here to protect Kal-El. And now I will use my powers to protect the Earth. And if I die achieving that, I'm at peace with it. I'll join my mother. We'll be together in Rao's light.” - Kara Danversbased on thistumblr post





	how do you plan to go about (making your amends to the dead)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all and happy new year!  
> So I've been working on this since I saw youngbloodbuzz's post on tumblr which was over a month ago now. If you follow my sideblog you'll know that I'm working with a schedule now (I know, whaaaaaaaat?) where I post twice a month. I am actually ahead of schedule on purpose because I remembered Supergirl is coming back next week and I wanted to get this out before the episode airs. 
> 
> I got away from the original post because really, we're seeing the people around Kara reacting before we get to the rest of the world. I worked really hard on this so I hope this comes across well,
> 
> Have a good weekend guys, <3333  
> Az

_ “My mother didn't send me to Earth to fall in love with a human, have children, live in a house with a white picket fence. She sent me here to protect Kal-El. And now I will use my powers to protect the Earth. And if I die achieving that, I'm at peace with it. I'll join my mother. We'll be together in Rao's light.”  _ \- Kara Danvers

**Christmas Day**

Eve wakes up to the sound of her alarm, having forgotten to turn it off the night before. She groans into her pillow as she reaches over to press the snooze button on her phone before reaching back for the body that should be behind her. When she looks back, she sees Alice, her partner of two years, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard of their bed. She turns over and scoots closer until her head is resting on Alice’s thigh. The constant sound of pouring rain pelting heavily against their window is soothing as she settles back into a comfortable position. “Babe, what are you doing up so early? Go back to sleep,” she mumbles groggily onto soft skin. 

Instead of an answer, a phone is shoved in her face and Eve winces, rearing back at the bright light coming from the device. It takes her a second to readjust herself, taking hold of the phone in her hand. The screen is showing CatCo’s main page but there’s only one article being featured and Eve feels her heart stop when she is finally able to read the headline. 

**_Where were you when the world ended?_ **

\---

**Christmas Eve**

James doesn't think that he’s ever heard the DEO be this silent before, as if everybody’s making a conscious effort to not make a sound, to not disrupt the quiet. It's been nearly an hour since they brought Kara back to the DEO and there hasn't been any sort of news from J’onn or Alex since they went inside with the team working on Kara. It makes him uneasy and wish that he had stayed with Lena when he left her back at CatCo. He thinks about the bottle of whiskey that's calling his name but he can’t leave, not when Kara needs him to be here, not when  _ he _ needs to be here. 

He’s been pacing back and forth, trying to walk off whatever excess energy he apparently now has, Kara is all that is going through his brain right now. Every moment he’s shared with Kara in the past few months, every conversation they’ve shared and he can't help but think about that time they talked about Thomas Coville not too long ago. 

_ “How are you not a miracle?” _

Letting out a trembling breath, James shakes his head. The look on her face at the time had been full of skepticism and disbelief. He knows that since the Daxamite invasion, something inside her had been broken. There had been many missteps on his part trying to get her back to who she used to be but of all the things that had changed, he had never lost his faith in her. And she might not be conscious right now but Kara needs him to keep having faith in her, to  _ trust _ that she will make it out of this because god knows that they're all going to need to rely on each other until she wakes up. 

He glances over at Winn, who’s been  uncharacteristically quiet for longer than James could remember and chewing on the same strand of Red Vine since he left the command center to join him. Behind Winn is a large window to the room where Alex had the team bring Kara inside. He can’t really see anything of Kara apart from wisps of her blonde hair and the toes of her red boots peeking out from between two bodies. All the people crouching over her seem to constantly be moving and moving  _ fast _ , and he doesn't know if that's supposed to reassure him or not. 

There's a tablet in Winn’s hand where he has been monitoring security feeds in case they can locate Reign again and James doesn't know if Winn has even taken his eyes off it since he arrived at the DEO. He goes to stand next to Winn, turning his back to the window so he doesn't have to see what's going on inside anymore, though he can still hear the dull murmurs behind the glass.

“Lucy called me on my way here,” he murmurs quietly, saying the first thing to come to his mind, saying anything as long as it's not about what's happening inside. 

Winn pauses mid-chew, turning to face him. “What did you tell her?”

He shrugs, scoffing a little at the question. “What  _ could _ I tell her? I don't know anything.” 

At that moment, he can hear Alex’s voice, soft and pleading and it pulls hard at something in his chest. He can't hear what she’s saying but he knows what it means when Alex gets like this, even more so what it means when Alex doesn't even care that there are people around her to see and hear her like this. It’s moments like this when Alex forgets and calls Kara’s name instead of Supergirl’s. 

Or maybe she doesn't forget. Maybe it's so that if her voice were the last that Kara ever hears again, then at least it would be of her saying Kara’s name and not Supergirl. Maybe she does it in the hopes that it’ll bring Kara back. If there’s anyone in the world who Kara would ever come back for, it’d be Alex. 

James runs his hand over his face, sighing loudly as he pushes off the wall to return to his pacing. 

\---

Winn looks up at James’ sigh of frustration, understanding the anxiety that's rolling off him in waves, at not knowing what's going on with Kara. But Winn is adamantly refusing to think about it, focusing instead on trying to find Reign, focusing on doing anything other than thinking about Kara and what's happening inside the room behind him. Being close is enough for him, close enough to be there when Kara wakes up because Kara  _ has _ to wake up. She has to wake up because he can't accept anything else, doesn't  _ want _ to accept anything else. 

He turns his focus to James, with his arms folded across his chest as he paces back and forth in front of him once again, so absolutely ready to burst with all that restless energy coursing inside him. “Kara will be okay.”

James shakes his head with a frown on his face. “You don't know that, Winn. You weren't there. You didn't see-”

For a cruel second, Winn thinks to ask James then why-  _ why _ didn't he do anything to help Kara, to  _ save _ her. But he bites down on the Red Vine and swallows the thought, keeping it to himself because he  _ knows _ better than that. He knows that there wasn't really anything that James could have done that would have changed the outcome for Kara. And he knows even more so that even though James knows this too, he’s more than likely blaming himself for his inaction anyway. 

And Winn can't say for sure that he would have been able to do anything either. He saw Kara’s fight with Reign from beginning to end. He saw just how strong Reign is and how she took Kara completely by surprise, setting her completely off balance from the start. And he’s so used to just letting Kara fight her battles without any input from him because why would she need him to say anything? But he  _ still _ could have said something, warned her even. 

The Red Vine tastes like ash on his tongue. 

“I should- I should get back to CatCo. People will want to know… something.”

Winn watches James walk away with slumped shoulders and a dark cloud over him, his eyes following James until he’s completely out of his sight before going back to the tablet in his hand. The screen lights back up but it’s all the same: Reign is nowhere to be found. He growls at the lack of results, the lack of  _ anything _ and he knows that he’s going to be burning the midnight oil until he finds her. If he can do anything for Kara, it's this- and this is something he can do  _ well _ . 

He turns around, looking through the window and he can see Kara’s face now, sees it for the first time since she’s been brought back. And god, it  _ hurts _ to see her like this, so much that it almost makes it hard to breathe. 

The past year flashes before his eyes and it frustrates him that he can't remember a time when he spent any real time with Kara outside of the DEO. Before the Daxamite invasion, he had been so caught up with his new position in the agency, with Lyra and going out with James for Guardian stuff. Kara was just as busy with her new job as a reporter and Lena and Mon-El, and sure, they still spent time together at the alien bar but it hasn't been  _ just _ her and him in the longest time. Not since after she came out as Supergirl.

_ “If you weren't in my life, I'd be lost too.” _

Winn closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath.

\---

Medically-induced coma, they recommend, to help decrease the swelling of her brain. There's nothing more they can do and it's all down to Kara now, to heal on her own time and there's no telling how long that will be. 

Pulling Alex away from her sister, away from attacking the doctors and out of the room is one of the most difficult things J’onn J'onzz has ever had to do but he could see - could  _ hear _ \- that she was starting to lose whatever remained of her self-control. Her thoughts are loud and angry enough for him to hear her swearing at him as if she’s actually saying them out loud while she kicks and screams. J’onn keeps a straight face through it all, knowing well that Kara is one of the very, very few things in the world that can throw Alex off-kilter. And she can hate him all she wants but she wasn't going to be any help to Kara in there. 

From the day that Jeremiah Danvers saved his life eleven years ago, J’onn has done his best to keep his promise to keep a close eye on both Alex and Kara. Not that they really needed him to do so because it was clear to him that Eliza was more than capable of taking care of them. Living as Hank Henshaw granted him all of DEO’s resources, allowing him to keep his distance but still keep an eye on them. He never dared to interfere unless it had been absolutely necessary, which had only been twice before when he heard rumblings of Kara recklessly using her powers and when Alex had been thrown into the drunk tank during one particularly bad night. 

And though he stayed out of their lives for the most part, one thing was clear and it was that there was no better team - no  _ stronger _ team - than the Danvers sisters. No matter what happens to them or whatever distance that stands between them, they will always fight for each other. They remind him so much of his own daughters, of K’hym and T’ania and how they never faltered as long as they were by each other's side. M’yri’ah warned him time and time again that he’d never stand a chance when they worked their magic against him, and she was right every single time. 

_ “Do you still dream about them? Your family?” _

J’onn swallows thickly at the brief thought of his family. It is a wound that will never truly heal and it is one he sadly shares with Kara. There have been so many conversations over the past two years about the families they have loved and the worlds they have lost, and it's clear that it’s exactly what has been weighing heavily on Kara's mind even more so since the Daxamite invasion. And though he has his father back in his life once again, J’onn can never forget what it was like to want that solitude to mourn, to be angry. He has had more than a few centuries of grief behind him but even that still isn't enough time for him. It is why he will never begrudge Kara for the distance she put between herself and everybody else. 

Alex slouches in front of him in his office, quiet as a mouse though he can tell that her brain is going a mile a minute trying to figure out a way to help her sister. His chest aches for Alex, for all that she has had to go through since she broke off her engagement with Maggie. Her relationship with Kara was just getting back on track and moving forward, only for her relationship with Maggie to falter and splinter apart. For awhile he had been worried until they came back from Earth-1 and it was obvious that something happened there that helped both her and Kara find their focus once again. 

Adjusting his seated position on the edge of his desk, J’onn places a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “You need to call your mom, Alex. She will want to hear from you.”

Alex sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair, her gaze darting around the room before finally meeting his. “How can I tell her about this?” she asks in a rough whisper. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears that he knows she won't let fall until she's in the safety of her own solitude and it reminds him painfully of when she asked him to walk her down the aisle.

It isn't difficult to tell that Alex is struggling with a toxic mix of anger, guilt and fear. She was barely two minutes away from the scene but by then it was already too late, Kara had fallen and Reign was long gone. He doesn't think he can ever forget what it felt like to see Kara like that, so bloody and broken. It never gets easy to see the people he cares about getting hurt like this but the life of protecting others is one they all will continue to choose, no matter what it does to them. He gently squeezes Alex’s shoulder “It’ll be better coming from you.” 

She vehemently shakes her head, her eyes wide and frenzied. “But I  _ don't _ know what to say. I don’t- I don't even know if Kara’s going to be okay!”

Without a second thought, he pulls her up to stand and he wraps his arms around her, hugs her as tight as he can. J’onn holds Alex until he can feel her body stop shaking, until she lets out a shaky and heavy sigh just before circling her own arms around his waist. He rests his cheek on her temple. “Your sister is  _ strong _ , Alex,” he assures her before drawing back to firmly meet her gaze. “She gets it from  _ you _ .” 

“I’m not feeling very strong right now, J’onn.”

He doesn't let her hide away when he sees her attempt to avert her stare from his. J’onn J’onzz made a promise to Jeremiah Danvers and he has already failed Kara. He can't let Alex drown and fail her too. There isn't anything they can do for Kara now and for the foreseeable future, National City is without their Supergirl. They need to move forward and figure out a way to make sure that the city stays safe. And he can't do any of that without Alex. 

He cups her cheek with the kind of tenderness he thought he’s long forgotten, the kind that makes him ache for a home long gone, “That's what family is for,” he whispers softly.

There's a long quiet moment as she looks back at him before Alex nods, quiet and distracted. She nods another time before she turns and walks out of his office. J’onn watches her go with an ache in his chest for the utter helplessness that screams in her thoughts. He walks around to fall back in his chair and he lets out a heavy breath. He’s bone-tired from the past week but he knows he won't be sleeping tonight. He won't be sleeping until Kara is awake again. 

He pulls out a small candle from his desk drawer. It’s nothing special, one of those white candles they had placed around the base when the lights went out that one time during a particularly bad storm and the back-up generators still hadn't been fixed from the last attack. He fights the instinctual tremble that skitters across his skin as he strikes a match, watching the fire ignite. J’onn lets out a heavy sigh before lighting the candle. 

“I won't let you walk alone in the dark, Kara Zor-El.”

\---

Not long after she walks out of J’onn’s office to stand just outside the operating room, the first person she thinks to call is Maggie and Alex chokes at the thought of her former fiancée. It's still so jarring to think how this time last year, she had been in love and happy. And now she’s-

Alex shakes her head. This is  _ not _ the time for thinking of Maggie. This is  _ not _ the time. Her mom has been calling and texting since Kara’s fight with Reign started, and increasing in frequency since it ended. She ignored them all because she just couldn't- she didn't know what she could have said to her mom. Not that she really knows what to say now either. A childish part of her worries that her mom will blame her for not looking after Kara like she's supposed to do, for not watching out for Kara and she's feeling preemptively defensive about it. Alex shakes her head once again, reminding herself that her mom has been  _ better _ about that stuff. Even though her relationship with her mom has improved in the past couple of years, especially after she came out, it's still a little difficult to overcome some old habits though. 

But she knows that she can't put off talking to her mom, not for very long. Maybe it'll actually even distract her for just a little bit. When she checks the time, she lets out a disbelieving scoff, realizing that it's only been three hours since they brought Kara back to the DEO. Two hours less since they intubated her, because apparently Kara can't fucking  _ breathe _ on her own. She looks inside the curtained room where Kara is and for a split second, Alex feels like she can't breathe too. 

It's not like they've never been here before, when Kara is in trouble and Alex is standing on this side of the wall. But it has never been this  _ hopeless _ . There's no lack of people who want Kara dead and there have been a few that have come close to succeeding. And maybe it's because of this past year, this past  _ terrible _ year for Kara. Her sister was missing for what felt like the  _ longest _ time but she was getting better. Mon-El’s return halted her progress but then their experience with Earth-X helped them both remember what's more important. And then  _ this _ happened and god, she  _ knew _ there was something about this that scared her. 

It takes another fifteen minutes before she finds herself sitting next to Kara’s bed after they transferred her to her designated medical bay. With her eyes closed, the peaceful look on her face as the yellow sun lamps beam down on her, they can almost pretend that Kara’s asleep, that she’ll wake up any minute now and tell them all that she's really freaking hungry. Alex really hopes that whatever it is that Mon-El and Imra have apparently planned to help Kara will work or so help her  _ god _ . With a heavy sigh as she runs her fingers through her hair, Alex browses through her contacts to finally make the call, chewing on her bottom lip while she waits for her mom to pick up. It doesn't take more than five rings before she hears her mom's voice calling her name. “Alex! How is she? I saw the news, Alex, I saw- I saw-.”

Alex stands up immediately, raising her arm to placate her as if her mom is right in front of her. “Mom, calm down,” she tries to say in a soothing tone as she paces slowly to the other end of the room. Just hearing her mom's voice is making her feel equal parts comforted and anxious all at the same time and she just  _ cannot _ be sitting down right now. 

She hears an upset sputter coming through the speaker and Alex sighs, immediately regretting her choice of words as she easily imagines the upset expression on her mother's face. “How exactly do you expect me to be  _ calm _ when I saw your sister get beaten within an inch of her  _ life _ ? Is she-”

Alex stops pacing. “She’s  _ alive _ ,” she answers quickly and something in her chest cracks at the raw sound of her mom letting out a loud cry of relief. She swallows down the roughness in her throat, swallows down that ball of everything that she's feeling. “She’s- she’s alive, mom,” she breathes out. 

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Alex purses her lips as she shakes her head. “It doesn't matter. She’s hanging on right now,  _ that's _ what matters.”

“Do you need me there?”

She lets out a light chuckle at the question, arching her eyebrow as she feels a tired smile tugging at her lips. “Are you trying to tell me that you're  _ not _ already in your car, halfway to National City?”

The brief silence that follows tells her that she's not wrong. Not that it is particularly difficult to miss the crackling sound of her mom’s car radio anyway. She keeps saying time again that she’ll get fixed but never remembers to do so. “What have I always told you girls?”

This time Alex can't help but smile a little more fully, rolling her eyes at her mom’s tone. “I know.  _ ‘It’s in the mom fine-print’ _ ,” she mutters quietly, repeating a phrase that her mom uses to explain the things she does for her and Kara. Her mom doesn't use it as much on her anymore now but there were many times through the course of growing up when it was uttered  _ constantly _ . And though she was there just recently, Alex allows herself a brief moment to feel homesick, allows herself to look forward to being in her mother’s comforting embrace once again. 

Alex clears her throat before shaking her head. Maybe after this whole ordeal is over, she and Kara can go back to Midvale. Maybe they can stay longer than just overnight. She thinks of how well she slept that night, the first time she actually slept all the way through the night since breaking up with Maggie. Or maybe what she needs is a freaking vacation somewhere far away from here. “Um, Imra said that they might have something that can help?”

“Who’s Imra?”

She tries to hold back a groan, realizing that neither she nor Kara have told their mom about all that's happened since they came back to National City. Though she doubts that Kara would have said anything, knowing that Kara never wants their mom to worry about her more than she already does. It was already difficult enough getting Kara to talk to  _ her _ about it. Taking a deep breath before she slowly answers, “She’s… Mon-El’s wife.”

“ _ Mon-El _ ? When did  _ he _ come back?” 

She winces at the high pitch her mom’s voice had taken, rubbing her fingers to her temple. Alex isn't sure she has the wherewithal to start from the beginning and to do it over the phone just seems pointless when she knows that her mom is on the way here anyway. “It’s- it's a long story, mom. I’ll tell you when you get here, okay?” she offers gently, already thinking of a way to pawn it off to Winn instead. It’ll give him something better to do than to keep looking at those screens hunting for Reign. 

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

“Drive safe.” Alex hangs up the phone with an even heavier sigh, brushing her hair back before giving them a slight pull. She winces at the tug but the brief pain gives her something to focus on and she repeats the act two more times before she finally lets go. She goes to sit back down on the chair next to Kara’s bed, looking over Kara’s slumbering form. “Mom’s on her way right now and you are in  _ so _ much trouble.”

When she checks the time, it's a few minutes away from midnight, a few minutes away until it's Christmas  _ Day _ . God, how fucking ridiculous is that? Alex thinks of last year, of how they celebrated Christmas at her apartment. She thinks of how she had snuck out of her bedroom just a little before midnight while Maggie slept in their bed and quietly creeped over to the decorated tree that Kara painstakingly made her get just a few days before. Kara was already waiting for her and sitting right by the tree, sitting right next to the gift she had gotten for her. It was a tradition born in the year that Kara decided to stop using her powers, when she decided to try to be human and year after year, Kara never lost that look of wonder whenever she looked at a beautifully-lit Christmas tree. 

It was always just her, Kara and their mom, at least for a few years until Kara moved to National City and the next thing she knew, Winn and James were in their lives. And oh, how she resisted their presence for the longest time, having seen the way they looked at Kara in the beginning. She thought they'd be like all the others and that they'd leave just as quickly as they came. But they stayed and they  _ chose _ to stay despite losing their chances with Kara. And they stuck by Kara’s side through that first year after she came out as Supergirl and not too far from them was J’onn and eventually Maggie too. 

Her thoughts turn immediately to the wrapped gift she left in the back of her closet, the gift that had a tag with Maggie's name on it. She thinks of the alien gun that she had Winn replicate of the one she brought back from Maaldoria. It took him the better part of a year to get it exactly the same as hers and it took her fifteen minutes to engrave Maggie's initials onto it. She can't give that to Maggie  _ now _ and- no, this is definitely  _ not _ what she wants to think about now. 

Lena, Sam and Ruby thankfully cross her mind then and the tightness in her chest loosens at the thought of Ruby, thinking of the way her face lightened up as she asked Alex all those questions about Supergirl. She has gotten so used to having people in their lives know about Kara being Supergirl that it feels almost strange to revert to pretending. But it's what they have to do to protect Kara and Alex can never truly feel guilty about that. But still, she wonders then how the newest members to their little family are doing, wonders if they're safe at home and asleep where they should be. 

Though James did tell them earlier that he was with Lena when they saw the fight and that he had dropped her off at CatCo before coming to the DEO. And Alex has gotten to know Lena a little better since Kara decided to bring her in for girls’ night just so she didn't have to feel like a third-wheel before Sam came along. At the very least, she's pretty sure that she has the full measure of who Lena Luthor is and if she's right, Lena is more than likely to be at LCorp. But it's too late to call and they are not yet close enough for her to randomly call Lena at such a late time. Maybe she’ll call her tomorrow. 

She takes Kara’s hand in hers as she brushes her fingers of her other hand, softly sifting through Kara’s hair and letting the strands fall in between her fingertips. Everything is still and quiet in the DEO now even with the beeping sounds of the machines next to Kara’s bed. She runs through the whole operation earlier, thinks about what could have been done different, if there  _ was _ anything different they could have done. And there were words going through Alex’s mind during the procedure, bits and pieces of words that sounded so goddamn familiar and it was frustrating to her that she just could  _ not _ place where she had heard them before. 

It doesn't hit her until now that the words that have been rolling in the back of her mind are the Kryptonian funeral rites that Kara taught her not too long time ago, just after the events with Thomas Coville. Alex breathes in sharply, shaking her head at the thought of having to say them out loud. She takes hold of Kara’s hand in both of hers now. She  _ hates _ how cold Kara’s skin feels. “I am  _ not _ saying those words for you, Kara, not today of all days. This isn't your time and I absolutely  _ refuse _ to say them.” Her voice echoes and bounces off the walls in the room and Alex winces at how angry she sounds. She gently squeezes Kara's hand in apology. Her sigh is shaky when the silence returns and she looks over Kara’s resting face. “I refuse to live a day - a  _ second _ \- without you.”

Alex realizes then that she has been digging her fingernails into Kara’s skin. Not that Kara would have felt it even if she was awake anyway. She loosens her grip, breathing in and out deeply. “I know that because of what we do,” she murmurs as she rubs her thumbs over where her fingernail had dug in, “we've had to have a lot of conversations about times like these happening so that we'd be prepared for what we’re  _ supposed _ to do and what we're supposed to say to mom and all that, but you know what else we're supposed to do?”

“We’re  _ supposed _ to be crone buddies,” she whispers roughly as she answers her own question, squeezing Kara’s hand and  _ wishing _ that she would just squeeze right back. “You can't back out on me now so you  _ better _ wake up, Kara Danvers, or I'm gonna tell mom on you.” 

Her eyes narrow onto Kara’s face, almost trying to will her sister’s eyes to open. Alex tries to remember what the last thing she said to Kara was and she would give  _ anything _ for a do-over. She wonders if she could have said something else, something that could have stayed with Kara to at least survive the fight. “We’ll find her, Kara. We’ll find Reign and we’ll bring her down and you- you will be right here and you’ll wake up and you’ll be fine and- and-  _ damn it _ , Kara.” 

Words have never been her thing but talking to Kara has always been something she can safely say she’s really good at doing. Kara is so expressive and it's usually so easy to know exactly what's going on in her mind. And really, more often than not, Kara is the one that carries the conversation and Alex is more than fine to let that be the case. Kara has to hide so much of herself most of the time but when she starts talking, she  _ shines _ . And it's so easy to see how people like Winn, James and even Lena find themselves so drawn to her, so easy to see how she has been the sun in their lives. And seeing Kara like this, so unresponsive and quiet? It really just fucking  _ hurts _ . 

The back of her eyes burn and Alex wipes away at the tears she knows are about to fall. She leans closer to Kara, leans in to whisper softly in her ear as she runs her fingers through her blonde hair. “I know that you can hear me, Kara. I won't leave you alone, okay? You don't have to be afraid because I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when you wake up because you  _ will _ wake up.” She squeezes Kara’s hand, swallowing down the thick lump in her throat. “I can't- I can't do this without you. I've already lost Maggie and I can't- I can’t lose you too.” 

Alex presses her forehead to Kara’s temple and shivers at how cool it is to the touch. A shaky breath falls out of her lips and she can almost taste the salt of her tears. “National City may need Supergirl to come back but I need my _ sister _ . So just- stay with me, okay?”

_ “But I feel at home with you.” _

Alex squeezes her eyes shut and thinks of how the first thing she will say to her sister is that she feels at home with her too. “Please.”

\---

**Christmas Day**

The streets are quiet in National City. 

There’s a cool salty breeze as the massive crowd gathers, circling the Supergirl statue that was recently revealed to the public. The lack of the familiar red and blue flying high in the sky is disheartening and it shows. All around her, Eve hears whispers of tears, broken and hopeless. To her left, she sees a small group of people milling around and telling stories about how Supergirl saved them. Too many people are wearing black. 

No one knows who left the first bouquet of flowers, or who lit the first candle but there are too many of both now for Eve to count. It doesn't stop her from lighting her own candle, doesn't stop her from murmuring a short prayer for the Girl of Steel. It isn't midday yet but by now, everybody has seen the videos taken of Supergirl’s battle and her shocking defeat. Nobody knows anything of how she is or where she is or whether she survived through the night. There is no joy to be found here and it weighs heavy on all that are present. 

There are news vans parked nearby, with reporters going around and questioning anybody who are willing to share their thoughts or want to send out a message to Supergirl. She sees James walking amongst the crowd as well, interviewing a few people here and there, and taking pictures of the scene that surrounds them all. Her breath hitches back a sob at seeing the group of young girls currently being interviewed, all dressed in their Supergirl outfits. She looks away, unable to stand seeing their heartbroken faces.

“Hey.” Eve startles for a second before she realizes that it's Alice’s hand on her waist, gently pulling her away. She glances up to meet their brown eyes, finding love and understanding in them and she relaxes, melting back into Alice’s embrace. “Let's go home, babe.”

Home sounds like a great idea. Home means being back in the comforting warmth of their bed and cuddling and escaping the infectious sadness that blankets National City. There's nothing here that she can do for anybody, or for Supergirl. So Eve nods and lets Alice guide them out of the overwhelming throng of people.

They've just barely crossed the street when Alice stops them and points to none other than Lena Luthor sitting on a bench. “Hey, isn't that your new boss?” 

Miss Luthor’s gaze is trained on the assembly around the statue but she doesn't seem to be focused on anything specific. It's strange to see her like this, when she’s usually so present in any given situation. And Eve doesn't think that she has ever seen her in anything as casual as the t-shirt under a leather jacket and the dark jeans that she's currently wearing. But she still looks as pretty as a picture and it's really no wonder how Eve used to have a huge crush on her. 

Her curiosity is piqued, wondering why Miss Luthor is keeping such a distance from everybody else. Even more so because she knows that James is somewhere in the crowd and she  _ knows _ she's not the only one in the office who has noticed that something has been brewing between them. So she starts to make her way towards Miss Luthor before she stops and turns to look back at Alice. “Is it okay if I talk to her for a little bit?”

“Sure.” Alice nods, giving her a tiny smile. “Want me to get you some hot chocolate?” they ask, gesturing towards the cafe not too far from the bench. 

“Yes please, and also-”

“Extra marshmallows, I know.”  

Alice gives her a shy teasing grin that Eve can't help but want to kiss away and so she does, gently pressing their lips together. There's that familiar flutter in her chest, the one that only Alice can cause, even after two years. “Thank you.”

\---

“Miss Luthor?”

It takes her a little too long to realize that her name is being called and when Lena finally does look up, she does it slow, blinking almost lethargically. Eve Tessmacher is peering down at her with the most careful expression on her face and Lena can tell that Eve still isn't too sure how to approach her, even more so outside of Catco. She’s long lost the starry admiring gaze but Lena supposes that there's still something unsettling about seeing your boss outside of the normal environment you're used to seeing them. 

She tries to smile but can't seem to find the energy to muster even a fake one. Instead, Lena just sighs, running her fingers through her hair. It's a little damp from the rain earlier this morning and it's made her curls a little more errant than usual. She indulges in a brief moment of feeling a little self-conscious about her more than casual attire in comparison to Eve’s fresh put-together look but it's added to the growing list of things that she can't really seem to care about right now. “Oh, hello Eve.”

Lena pats the space beside her on the bench in a welcoming gesture that Eve takes. “Have you been here long?”

She glances down at her wristwatch, a little surprised at how much time has passed since she woke up this morning. After James dropped her off at CatCo last night, it wasn't long before Lena had gone to LCorp and found a change of clothes and a restless sleep on the white couch in her old office. She wasn't sure where Sam was but Lena assumed that her old friend was home with Ruby. It was only around 3 in the morning when she eventually gave up on sleep and decided to stop by her apartment before coming here and she hasn't moved from the bench since then. The sun rose and bathed her in its light but Lena couldn't feel its warmth. 

She shrugs, unsure if she can freely admit any part of this to Eve. “Long enough, I suppose.”

To her credit, Eve doesn't outwardly react to her answer apart from a nod and doesn't seem pressed to ask for more when she glances over to the crowd across the street. “It seems like almost all of National City is here.”

Lena is grateful for the reprieve, grateful that Eve isn't asking for more than Lena is willing to divulge and she follows Eve’s cue, looking to the sea of black surrounding the statue. It's a surprisingly mixed crowd of humans and aliens alike, more aliens than Lena has ever seen in her life that aren't just humanoid in appearance. There was a tense moment when people started to realize there were actual aliens in the crowd but it dissolved just as quickly when they were reminded by none other than Maggie Sawyer, exactly why they were there in the first place. 

It’s been awhile since she saw Maggie and Lena was surprised to see her here until she noticed the heavy presence of police around the area. Maggie looks like she's doing okay. That's something Lena has been wondering since Kara told her about what happened between Maggie and Alex. A part of her is relieved to see Maggie, realizing how she has missed seeing her at girls’ nights. She wonders how Maggie would react if she walked up to her right now. 

James is another familiar face in the crowd, a somber smile on his lips as he goes around conducting his interviews and taking his pictures. Lena is surprised to note that the Daily Planet sent a different reporter and not Lois Lane, considering that Supergirl is, after all, Superman’s cousin. 

Lena knows it won't be long before the media eventually circles back to her, asking her all sorts of questions that she won't know the answers to and all because of her last name and their history together and isn't she just disappointed that it wasn't a Luthor that took down a Super? They're not going to care that these are the legacies she and Supergirl has absolutely no choice in carrying. They're not going to care about the flowers she placed at the foot of the statue long before the break of dawn, flowers that she carefully plucked from her own garden. They're not going to listen to her tell them about how she watched the candle she lit fizzle out with the morning rain. And it's definitely not going to matter to them that Lena Luthor is worried for Supergirl, her  _ friend _ . 

“They're all acting like she’s dead,” she mutters, wincing at the bitter taste the words leave in her mouth. 

Eve bites down on her bottom lip as she shoves her hands in her jacket pocket. “Do you think she’s still- that she’ll come back?”

“Yes.” Like many in National City, Lena is no stranger to seeing Supergirl in a fight, up close and on screen. There is no lack of awe and respect for all the good that Supergirl has done for the city and the people in it. Lena has seen her take down criminals with little to no effort and she has seen her give as good as she got. There's no denying the determination that drives Supergirl to fight for the greater good. It's a trait that she is happy to share with Supergirl and that is more than enough to know that even when the odds seem impossible as it does now, Supergirl  _ always _ finds a way to get back up. 

“So what happens now? What do we do until she does?”

Lena doesn't know why Eve is asking her this but she shrugs all the same. She looks to the gloomy skies up ahead and thinks that maybe, she can see a little bit of the sun trying to break through. “She’ll want us to keep fighting. Keep hoping. She’d want us to be our own heroes.”

Eve nods with a pensive look on her face. She doesn't know what the words mean to Lena, doesn't know that she's repeating what Supergirl said to her nearly a year ago. It was said to her with an earnest entreaty to do the right thing and it was one of the first times anybody outside of herself had such expectations of her to do so. 

The silence is broken when Eve takes to stand while adjusting her jacket. When Lena looks up, she easily recognizes Eve’s partner, Alice, from all the stories that Eve told her about them and of course, from all the pictures on Eve’s desk. They're carrying two paper cups in their hands and she gives them a small smile and a friendly wave that they awkwardly return. When she turns back, there's an attempt of a smile tugging at Eve’s lips. “Maybe you should go home and get some rest, Miss Luthor.” 

Lena nods, clasping her hands together over her lap. “Maybe. Tell Alice I said hello.”

“I will. Merry Christmas, Miss Luthor.”

“Merry Christmas, Eve.” Lena waits until she sees Eve reuniting with her partner, watches them lovingly greet each other with a kiss and she can't help but smile at the sight of it. She looks back to the statue once Eve and her partner are out of her sight and Lena sighs. She certainly can’t do  _ this _ all day, doing absolutely nothing and being all broody. She glances down at her watch, seeing that it’s an hour past midday. Maybe she can go to LCorp. After all, there are no shortages of things for her to do there, things that can actually help the city, things that can make sure there  _ is _ a city for Supergirl to come back to especially with that Reign flying around and causing chaos. With an emphatic nod, Lena gets off the bench. And maybe afterwards she can give Kara a call with an offer for dinner tonight. 

She could certainly use a friend. 

\---

_ “I need your help again. I need you to hope.” _ \- Kara Danvers (Better Angels)

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @maybewritingthings, or my main @amaltheaz


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